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We Are Sending an Obscene Amount of Stuff Home with Your Child on the Last Day of School

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TO: All Fifth Grade Parents
SUBJECT: Supply return

Please be aware that we will be sending home all supplies, workbooks, and items we really should have just thrown away. If your child cannot carry everything home, you can stop by after 4 p.m. on the last day to collect their belongings. Don’t bother trying to get away without showing up. We will track you down eventually.

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TO: All Fifth Grade Parents
SUBJECT: Mandatory pickup

We will be sending home students’ art portfolios that we forgot to show you during parent-teacher conferences. It would be a good idea to bring in a giant plastic box for the replicas of the popsicle stick Golden Gate Bridge we completed in February. If your child’s project doesn’t fit in the box, please contact us to arrange for pickup tomorrow sometime between 12:01 and 12:05 p.m. We will bombard you with reminder messages until we hear back.

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TO: All Fifth Grade Parents
SUBJECT: Important documents

We just discovered a closet full of homework sheets and can’t bring ourselves to throw them out. We suggest sending your child in with large rolling luggage for easy transport unless you prefer to stop by next week on Monday at 9 p.m.

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TO: All Fifth Grade Parents
SUBJECT: We overestimated!

Parents, we thought we needed all those eraser toppers for pencils, but it turned out most students just used iPads this year. So we are sending home the pencil and eraser toppers you sent in on the first day, plus the bulk order we purchased for shared classroom use. A dolly for easy transport can be purchased through the PTA. No sharing.

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TO: All Fifth Grade Parents
SUBJECT: Lockers must be emptied

A note about locker clean-up: this year, we request that you make arrangements to take home your child’s full physical locker along with all its contents. The volcano science projects we stored there didn’t go exactly as planned. By “arrangements,” we mean “rent a U-Haul.”

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TO: Select Fifth Grade Parents
SUBJECT: Re: Lockers REALLY must be emptied!!!

If you are receiving this email, it means your child’s locker has been deemed “environmentally unsafe” and marked with biohazard tape. We suggest you arrive to pick up the locker in a hazmat suit. An EPA official can let you in on Thursday at 10 a.m. sharp.

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TO: All Fifth Grade Parents
SUBJECT: Workbook return prep

A note about the empty and unused workbooks we’re sending home. We plan to stuff some in backpacks, while others will be secured to students’ heads like fruit baskets. A few children will just strap the workbooks under their feet; they have been practicing walking on stilts for the past week in preparation.

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TO: Parents of Children on Bus 2A
SUBJECT: Bus delay due to oversized load

Due to the weight of the marble gargoyle we removed from the top of our building and are sending home with Sammy Smith, bus 2A will have to take a detour on the last day. There is a two-ton limit on the Riverside Bridge. Thanks again to Sammy for graciously volunteering to bring the gargoyle home for the summer.

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TO: All Fifth Grade Parents
SUBJECT: Oliver the Owl is crashing at your place

Our school mascot, Oliver the Owl, will be coming home with Rebecca Adam on the last day of school. He will stay at her house for a few days before moving on down the class list alphabetically until the end of summer. You’ll barely notice Oliver (he’s nocturnal), just supply him with a steady diet of rodents and make sure he takes his anxiety meds. Wear a helmet.

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TO: All Fifth Grade Parents
SUBJECT: Supplies for the upcoming school year

We will be sending home next year’s supply list with your child today. We know it’s the last day of school, and you’re probably not thinking about September, but we want you to get a head start on shopping. FYI, the list is substantially longer than in the past. And don’t attempt to reuse the blue composition notebooks we only used during the first week of school. Next year, we’re asking for red ones.

Enjoy your summer!

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rraszews
17 days ago
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My children attend a school that is being demolished over the summer to make way for a replacement school. This reads rather a lot like their dire warnings that EVERYTHING must be picked up by the last day.
Columbia, MD

Val Kilmer's Dialogue in "Top Gun: Maverick" Was Read by AI Because He Can't Speak Anymore

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One of the most moving scenes in "Top Gun: Maverick" involves an AI voice speaking in place of leading man Val Kilmer, who can no longer speak.

No Spoilers

Blockbuster sequel "Top Gun: Maverick" brings back Val Kilmer as Tom "Iceman" Kazansky.

The only problem? Kilmer can no longer speak, because of throat cancer complications.

But buried in a Page Six interview with Kilmer's daughter Mercedes late last month was a fascinating detail about how the filmmakers managed to get his voice in the movie regardless: by using advanced AI, by a company called Sonantic, to perfectly imitate Kilmer's voice.

"They were able to dub him with his own voice, which is amazing," the younger Kilmer told Page Six. "It’s such a technical feat, being able to engineer his voice that way, that it’s an extension of the technical feat of the film."

Voce Botto

We've been hearing about Kilmer's relationship with AI outfit Sonantic for some time. Last year, the actor opened up about how he'd worked with the firm to train a digital version of his voice that captured as much of his signature style of speaking as possible.

"People around me struggle to understand me when I'm talking," Kilmer said at the time, using the synthesized voice. "But despite all that, I still feel I'm the exact same person. Still the same creative soul."

In a statement announcing the collaboration, Kilmer said that he is "grateful to the entire team at Sonantic who masterfully restored my voice in a way I’ve never imagined possible."

"As human beings," he said, "the ability to communicate is the core of our existence and the effects from throat cancer have made it difficult for others to understand me. The chance to tell my story, in a voice that feels authentic and familiar, is an incredibly special gift."

The post Val Kilmer's Dialogue in "Top Gun: Maverick" Was Read by AI Because He Can't Speak Anymore appeared first on Futurism.

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rraszews
28 days ago
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It's a weird and slightly bitter irony that Val Kilmer voiced the AI KITT in the 2008 Knight Rider revival.
Columbia, MD

Sirius Conversation

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Dogs dogs dogs

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rraszews
43 days ago
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Fun fact: this is the plot of the sequel to the novel "The One Hundred and One Dalmatians". Why Disney chose not to adapt it is beyond me.
Columbia, MD

Fox Column Condemns New Star Trek Series As “Woke”

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David Marcus writes for Fox News:

The first blatant example of electioneering, on Star Trek Discovery, was a cameo by current and former Georgia gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams as none other than the President of Federation of Planets. The second was a weird plot twist in the pilot of new show, Strange New Worlds in which the 2020 capitol riot is depicted and blamed for starting a Second American Civil War and the destruction of the planet. To put it more succinctly, Orange man bad.

To be fair, since the original 1960s series Star Trek has always delved into cultural and societal issues. It has always been credited with diverse casts, with tackling issues like saving the whales (remember that?) and with reflecting American and global foreign policy. All of that should live long and prosper, but these two recent incidents go a good deal farther. This isn’t issue advocacy, it’s pure partisan politics.

Read the full column.

Marcus, not incidentally, is the author of “Charade: The COVID Lies That Wrecked A Nation.”

Paramount+ has posted the full first episode of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds on YouTube and I’ve cued up the scene mentioned above.

The post Fox Column Condemns New Star Trek Series As “Woke” appeared first on Joe.My.God..

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rraszews
45 days ago
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Reminder: "David Marcus", in what is either an amazing coincidence or God having a sense of humor, is also the name of Kirk's son.
Columbia, MD

Why Did 1980s Datsuns Have Tiny Vinyl Record Players in Them?

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Leave it to Sam Battle of Look Mum No Computer to discover this bizarre little bit of tech history.

In the 1980s, Datsun cars had a mini-record player built into them. It wasn’t accessible to the consumer, it was used to house a series of warning messages (“Lights are on,” “Brake is on,” “Door is open,” etc.).

Sam found a broken one online and fixed it. Sort of. He had to bodge it a bit and it only plays the messages at random. At the end of the video, he hooks the player up to a synthesizer and has his way with its output.

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rraszews
63 days ago
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Tiny embedded record players were a common way to make talking toys up through at least the '80s. My mom has a doll that works that way from the 50s, and I have a Knight Rider toy from '82 or so that's the same.
Columbia, MD

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - Math

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Click here to go see the bonus panel!

Hovertext:
Thought I'd cheer people up during a rough time.


Today's News:
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rraszews
143 days ago
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The 2 Abides.
Columbia, MD
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